Dear Old Me

To the girl who stands next to me as I look in the mirror, my twin whose face is familiar as my own, hello again. You, dear old self, were once the only person who I could call my only friend. The one who looked out for me and kept me safe from everything that tried to hurt me. You were the shoulder I leaned on and that pushed me through the darker days of my life. 
You also were the one that held me back keeping me from going too far down the path of self destruction I craved with passion. You taught me how to build walls so it would just be you and me because in the end, that was all I had. But now it's time for us to say goodbye.
Yes. Thats right. It is time for you to pack your bags and walk out that door. Because while you may have restrained me from self imploding you also held me back from fully running into God's loving embrace.  And yes you may have kept me alive when I lost hope but God is the one who now showing me that my hope lies in him. I no longer need you to whisper in my ears a list of past sins and deeds that trap in chains of guilt because they are becoming points of references, dots on a timeline instead of my perminate place of address. You, the other half in the mirror, are a warped measuring stick that fails to truly show how my Father really sees me.
You,old me, can leave your key as I show you out. I know you will try and come back but I have a community that will remind me that you are my past not the girl who I am today. And all you are is a point of reference in the story book of my journey, nothing more or less.
So old me thank you for what you did in getting me through the tough parts of my life but now it's time for you to go. I'll lock the door of my heart after you exit it.
Sincerely,
Me.

Trust

Trust.
All I hear is
The ringing in
My ears, and the acidic
Taste of broken promises
That came from my mouth.

Trust.
You want me
To take that step
Yet again, hand outstretched
To cast aside the past and take
Your hand in mine.

Trust
How can I
Tell you that the
Only thing holding me
Back is the girl who lives
In fear, the dark twin whose
Embrace has become home sheltering
Me from the glares that might come my way.

Trust
You stand there
Waiting saying come
And I’ll give you rest, just
Waiting for me to shrug off
The self imposed chains as I struggle
Trying to ignore the painful comfort of
My own strength and I keep falling short

Trust
The one thing
I lack as I want
To reach out, to grasp your
Hand and just hang on to you
To have a child like faith and just
Believe because you say so.

Trust
Father please
Grant me the trust
To remain in you completely.

Amen

_____________________________

Something that has been bouncing around in my head since Sunday. Totally captures the mood I’m in.