Comfort Zones Abandoned: Part 3

In keeping up with this blogging entry series I figured what the heck why not write another entry dealing with my comfort zones and God. But as I was watching for a preview for a new movie coming out, called The Rite, I heard Anthony Hopkins give a creepy voice over but the words are still ringing in my head because they are so true. “As skeptics we are always searching for proof. But what happens when we find it?” And the thing I realized is that for skeptics there is never enough proof for them until they finally just have to accept on faith that there are somethings that they don’t understand.

Webster (yes, I like the dictionary very much thank you. If more people read it or bothered to chose words from it, conversations would have much more class and would be a lot more interesting to contribute too) lists on of the definitions of faith as this “complete trust”. When I saw that I had to read it again. Complete trust. Since around ten years old, I really haven’t completely trusted anything. Always my inner cynic likes to remind me that nothing lasts forever along with its other favorite, people fail you why trust them, they’ll leave at some point.

So when I saw that it said complete trust it threw me for a loop. Odd, I thought I was only not trusting the people in my life but yet, here I was purposely ignoring the fact I did the same to God. Just like the people in my life, I only let God to a certain point of my walls and said, “Sorry God you can’t come any closer.” And I realize that the attitude of defensiveness and mistrust towards God and others has seriously stunted parts of my life.

I can look back and point out parts of my life that would have been so different if I had just trusted. But I can’t change my past. The only thing I can do is change the how I follow God in the present to follow God’s will into the future he has planned for me. I am learning how to take down my walls but there’s more that God wants for me. He wants me to trust him completely.

Which is just a little hard for me. And its hard for me still. But yet, so far here I am doing things because I’ve been trusting. I’ve prayed more in the past two weeks than I did two months ago, I talked about part of my journey at Fusion and I’ve shared most of my story with a few more people. I’m growing as a person because of the trust I’ve had in God.

But its still a process I still don’t get it but I know that it is all going to be worth it in the end. All I have to do is just continue praying for the strength to hold onto my Abba’s hand and to keep taking the steps forward I need to.