Continuing this theme of small group life and community life, I would figure that I would throw another post out there about it. So here we go. I love my small group. I’m going to say it again. I love my small group ( I know that my church changed their name to growth groups but I’m fond of the phrase small group. *shrug* Tomato, Tamato in this humble blogger’s opinion ). They are all so unique and beautiful and I love being in community with them.
But sometimes in looking at them I feel like I’m woefully inadequate. My self esteem has never been the greatest in the world and loves to rear its ugly head sometimes. It’s hard for me to see positive change in my life or in my character because of that problem. I promise this will come up soon.
Anyways over the past two days, I’ve been able to hang out with people from my small group and my small group as a whole. And its been awesome. Like Tuesday. On Tuesday, I got to catch up and have dinner with my leader Sarah Kotar. It was such a blessing to talk to her and hear her advice/thoughts on the subject of forgiveness (another thing I’m struggling with. Something that I have a feeling is going to take a lot of prayer and practice) and just hang out.
Fast forward to today, I arrived at our group’s coffee meeting place, Tueplo, early and ran into Lori. After ordering something to keep me awake (the coffee is working a little bit too well), the two of us caught up a bit. It was so interesting to see how she’s grown over the past couple of months and I’m excited to see where God is taking her in her life and walk.
But over the our small group it was beautiful to hear the thoughts of everyone and even when we had our laughs because of the rabbit trails we went down on during the course of the discussion, it felt like it was where we needed to go.
However, I felt myself getting into this whole I’m not good enough for this small group when I shared how I feel like I’m re-learning a lot of how to do Christianity as a lifestyle faith choice, not an obligation or a duty. Part of me feels guilty because I was raised in church but at the same time I know being raised in church or out of it has nothing to do with Christianity. So many times in the Bible God chose people who were sinners to be apart of his plan.
Yet, I feel like my growth in re-learning things has been so limited that I get frustrated because I feel like I should be past things. But after small group, Lori and I were talking again and she said that its been great to see me grow. Which reminded me of why small groups are important. PC preached a message on encouraging one another, reminding us to spur each other on as it said in the passage he read to us.
Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of spurring from my small group, which is another reason why small groups or community in general. Because sometimes, when you stare at the problems in your life its easy to get distracted. To get discouraged. But that’s why I think God placed us in community. To have people in your life to remind you when you can’t see it, that things really are changing. Because honestly I sometimes can not see my own growth or I see it in such a limited view, because of my confidence issues and my impatience (I can have patience with people but not my own growth or myself, I’m a work in progress.) But when someone points out where the heck I’ve grown, its pretty much like a light bulb going off. Because sometimes I get so caught up in my problems leaving me blind and stumbling around, I need someone to point out the fact that there is progress.
I find that is the another beauty of small groups/communities of believers. That people can come along beside each other and point others to the growth they see and encourage them to keep going forward. I just love that I’m in this place where I’m able to learn these things even if it takes me a while and a few people spurring me on to see it.
And with that I ‘ll leave you with this “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” Hebrews 10:24
Peace out peeps and may God continue to guide you through this crazy wonderful life 
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