Blessings

Eph. 4:28- Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.

For many a habit is an unconscious twitch that has been developed over time by a conscious repetition of the twitch. It always makes me laugh when someone wonders why a habit takes so long to break (Insert me laughing at myself for the days were I wonder why I can’t stop using hand motions when I talk) But sometimes habits are destructive, destroying our lives because they mutate into addictions. And for some they never truly get over that, its always around the corner haunting them. Others are struggling to get out of it. I was reading a book the other day and it talked about Eph. 4:28 (if you want to read it look up) It brought up an interesting point about the verse and about what Paul says. He simply does not say stop sinning you idiot its killing you! Instead he says hey, all you all who like to sin guess what stop it but you just don’t stop it. Do something in the time that you use to sin and do the action that harmed you and your relationship with God, that helps others. Do something that brings glory to God while you are getting over this so that you can show people how good God is.

I think Paul pointed out something about human beings in this one verse. We tend to get fixated on something and we go after it with this ferocity that surprises ourselves sometimes. But Paul is saying to take that energy where we were killing ourselves (because literary or emotionally or spiritually or in a mix of the two sin does that to us…figured you would want to know) and put it towards good to something that will glorify God. But there’s also something practical in that order besides doing something for God (because we as human beings, I’ve discovered need a little bit of prodding on the earthly to make something happen most of the time) in this statement. When you do one thing, you focus on it. You block out all the rest of the world (sometimes) in an effort to get it done. So when Paul says stop stealing and do something useful, it’s a way to keep you distracted until a new better habit forms.

So what does all this mean? It means be a blessing. Do something good. And guess what you don’t have to go half way around the world to do that. When I was talking with my small group about this verse I said I wanted God to place me in a place where I can serve. A dear friend of mine pointed out that I can be a blessing around me and I need to focus on that as well. I practically lived that out tonight as I made brownies for our group but only a handful of us showed. We were sitting in a coffee shop and I shared the brownies with three other people there (two of which were the baristas who made me a very nice mint tea) It felt great to watch their smiles as they enjoyed the brownies (Also it helped me feel like I can actually cook… XD) I hope…no pray that I have more opportunities like that soon. But the thing is if you try to bless others without God in your life, I’m not going to say its not going to work but I doubt it will be as effective. If you are going to do something to bless others remember like a lamp that isn’t plugged in, you can’t do it well without God flowing through you ( a semi-direct quote from that dear friend of mine).

So my reader here is something to ponder while you either close this or comment on the words that I have written (I encourage the second option more than the first)

1) How can you bless others? What do you do that makes people feel refreshed and happy?

2) Are you willing to be that blessing to the part of the world that God has placed you in?

You don't fix faith

What would happen to Christianity if we let faith fix us and the world around us?

Change

The winds of change are blowing towards me and stirring my soul. Now comes the chance to take a step forward or back as uncertainty is holding me close. I feel the restlessness dancing under my skin as I stare at the ledge. Back and forth I teeter wondering if I can really do this, if I can change or will I be suck here in this darkness that has become my home for so long. Unsure if I am ready, unsure if what I am wanting to do is right.
My trust is shot but yet I stand slowly reaching my hands praying that you'll guide me through the night that I am facing hoping that the night will grow shorter as I continue to trust. I'm unsure of where this road will lead I have so many doubts, questions, thoughts that have yet to have answers. I'm fearful that I will fall again and not be able to get up but I know I am free falling already. And I need you to catch me and help me get to the place I long to be.
So here I am posed for the first step I just to let go and fall into your arms. So why can't I find the courage that I need to let go and start the process. I know you are there so help me take the step I need to start on the path home.

Reminders

Of how the most High and others see me. I pray that someday I'll believe the words that are there

A look in the mirror

I took this photo a few months ago. But yet the photo tells you more about me than a thousand posts could. My college pastor like I posted a week ago I think, was talking about how we are all actors. I’ve taken a look at myself in the mirror these past weeks and what I see is a girl with a mask on her face like the photo I have there. I’m not sure when it became second nature to wear it everywhere or to swap it out one mask for another that was more suited for the situation. But what I do knew is that life taught me how to wear them because it said that there was something wrong with me, as it bruised me over and over again until I decided enough was enough and started to hide my fears and everything that was undesirable under the mask.

Now I look in the mirror and want to change myself, to slowly take off the mask like I’m doing in the photo and starting to let the real me show, bit by bit. There are parts of me I don’t like, parts I would rather disappear forever, but they are still a part of me just as much as my eyes or the finger tips that are pounding away on the key board. I need to start accepting who I am as God made me, even if it seems like I’m not good enough to be that girl. I know this isn’t going to happen over night, but someone once told me baby steps. And for now baby steps, seem like the right way to go.

Stand in the Rain

She beckons me by tapping the window
Lightly hitting the roofing tiles as she
Prances to the edge of roof before leaping
To the ground below, making a light slapping sound
Before she howls as loud as the wind at me

"Come down," She calls as she taps the window again
"Come down and play." I head the call as I step through
The window as the wind runs its fingers through my hair
Tossing it back and forth as I lower myself to her height
Staring into her gray eyes as she smiles at me.

"Will you dance?" Confusion flashed across my face
Causing a gentle smile to blur the color in her eyes as
Cold finger tips gently touched my face,
"Will you dance?" She asks once more before beginning
To move as she sways from side to side
Her feet gently gliding over the ground

She dances before my eyes keeping me
Hypnotized as she gently reaches out with
Icy fingers grabbing a hold of heated skin as
I slowly begin to step back
"Will you dance?" The question is whispered
As she stares at me before I slowly move
Cooling limbs into action as my bare feet smack
The ground as I twirl

My vision blurs as I feel the rain fall against my face
Hearing her gentle laughter in my head as
I feel the drops fall against my skin before descending
To the ground below to cover my feet as it cleans
The earth underneath my soles filling my nose
With the scent of freshness

I slowly stop twirling as I fall to my knees
Letting the rain wash over me as I pray for it
To carry me away to some far off place
Not caring that my limbs have grown long since cold
As icy as molten tears scald my face as longing
To shed the mortal coil that is restricting me in place
Being denied the chance to disappear leaving
Behind the life that holds no chance of becoming as
Clean as the ground under me

The only thing that I am thankful for
Is that the rain gently embraces me as
She hides my tears from the world.


Its been raining where I live for the past two days. I love rain because it makes everything clean but sometimes I wish I could erase my past like the way rain does dirt on a sidewalk but it won't happen.

Now on blogger more often and prayer

So most everyone I know does a Blogger or a wordpress. I am thankfully cool enough to do both ;)
Which means I need to update this with my last post on my wordpress. I'll be posting more stuff more often so enjoy :)
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So I decided that I would post my prayer for this week. I think because maybe out there somewhere will be someone who has the same prayer and know that they aren't alone.

Father,

Guide my steps, keep me close to you but most important grant me a heart that will trust you no matter what and that is willing to begin the process of letting things go. Help break the glass walls that are like a steel trap for my soul so that I may finally start to be real and open with the world and people around me. But Father hold me close so that I might not lose the courage to change the things about me that need to be changed. Thank you for the blessings I have been given and open my eyes to see them all. In your name,

Amen