It's no secret that America loves labels. It's been a part of our history and has taken over our culture. My friend Zack talked tonight how our culture defines us by what we do while God instead defines us by who we are. And the funny thing is we let ourselves do this and carry over into our journey with Jesus.
I'm guilty of it, sometimes I feel like I do it more than most. I find myself allowing others and myself to define my worth by what I do, instead of the woman God has created me to be. I feel like at 19 I have let this practice rule my life. I let the labels become costumes I can hide in. Parts that I can use to hide the woman who isn't quite sure what to do with herself yet.
These last few weeks have been tough for me. I've been having to look in the mirror and examine my life and think to myself "is this truly what my life is suppose to look like?" I am coming face to face with parts of me that I would rather stay buried, never to be seen or heard from again. Why? Because they prove that using labels as disguses or ways to be liked hasnt worked. And its hard for me to accept that fact because it means everything I've worked at is all a little bit pointless, don't you think? So where does that leave me?
It leaves me with a place to grow, a place to learn to love who I am, the girl who loves performing, creating, writing, laughing singing, being with friends and family, and most important hanging out with Jesus and learning more about him and myself as I follow and abide in him. But how will I do that? The same way I learn anything about my other friends or people I admire. Ill hang out and Facebook stalk Jesus. Now you're thinking wait Facebook stalk Jesus, you are tripping more than you normally do. But when you Facebook stalk someone you are trying to learn more about them, in a rather creepy fashion, but you want to know everything about them. And to be honest despite 15 years of growing up in the church and being able to understand it, I have a rather shallow and poor view of Jesus. So now, its time for
Me to be serious about my relationship with him. I need to stop passing him by in the hallways of my church and barely paying attention as I read my bible or pray. I need to actively engage in the relationship instead of trying to take and give only a little in return. Instead of holding back the things that keep me awake and worry me I need to let them slip through my fingers into his hands. And that includes my dreams and plans for the future. Will it be easy? No, it's a learning process. After all Michaelango didn't sculpte David overnight (by the way I have seen the actual David statue) But nothing ventured nothing gained ^_^
So my friends, if you are reading this, here's me getting ready to take the leap into abiding. more than likely I will stumble, I'll get bruised and wonder why I am doing this but...…that's ok. I am only human. But I have a savior and a loving father willing to help me back up when I stumble along with an amazing community who is willing to spur me on and help me focus on abiding. So here we go gang, time to dive in. Care to join me?
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